Thoughts

Hey there.

These days are rough for me, I can tell. And all of a sudden I get this mellow kind of feeling that makes me randomly spilling out these words. Do you remember the feeling of having butterflies flying inside your tummy when you fall in love? The chills you get everytime you see his smile, hear his voice, talk to him, everytime you spend your day with him around you. And as time goes by, those butterflies tragically mutate into those harmful creatures that rip your body inside and out, makes you hard to breathe, and the thoughts that eats you alive, the thoughts of what he used to be; what we used to be back then and you cry yourself to sleep everynight because it's all gone----wiped clean. 

I might've been strong enough. I know I can be even stronger and tougher, but there comes a day where I don't want (or can't) be strong anymore. I might've just sat down and did absolutely nothing, suffocate with the massive pain. I didn't want to hurt you back, I kept forgiving and forgiving, I got hurt for the same reason. People nowadays keep on forgiving even the biggest or the worst mistake just because they don't wanna lose the person they love, though they know that having that person in their life will make them suffer even more. Love has become an easy word to say, people get hurt by a same reason; yes, the love itself.  At first it's making you happy, so happy you could die, makes you feel like you're the happiest person in the world, makes you fly so high. Then as days goes by it starts to hurt. At first it hurts a little so you still can bear it an it'll make you crave for more. Then it hurts more, more, more even when it hurts so much, you're still holding on because you're still blind. It's hard when you have to fight the thoughts of leaving because you still believe that you and him can still work this thing out, you keep giving him chances that he obviously don't deserve. You didn't realize that he has turned into a demon he said he would never be. And what makes it worse is the thought that he would never hurt you the way he did before now that you're the one who ends up hurting the most. Your days doesn't feel bright anymore, you lose your hope, and you fall down. But the funny thing is at the time you've made up your mind and decide to walk away, he didn't let you. He'll say he wants you to stay because he still loves you yet he doesn't respect you. You'll realize that there's no reason left to stay, and you'll say "I'm still leaving, I can't do this anymore. I do love you, but I love myself more. If being with you no longer make me happy, then I'd rather be alone. I tried and you didn't, I'm done. Have fun" as you walk away.

To be continued